Our Aging Parents
/by Amy Brandwene, Psychotherapist, LMSW
We all notice subtle changes in ourselves and challenges as we grow older such as finding it more difficult to run for the bus or feeling overwhelmed balancing a career and raising children. Accepting that our parents are declining brings new responsibilities. You may have noticed certain things about your parents from a recent visit in person, through Zoom, or over the phone and may want to reflect on it further. People age at different rates and in various ways. Some may have issues with medical illnesses that affect them physically and others with cognition or memory. In combination, now and in the future your parents' social life, support system, medical care, finances, and living environment may require a new perspective and assessment.
Our relationships are always in transition. New friends and relationships are formed and the dynamics between you and your parents shift as well. Over time, it is common for children of aging parents to assume the role of caregiver or more of a parenting role to their own parents. You may want to take control of a situation with your parents, take them to a doctor or ask them to stop driving long distances. This could be met with resistance or cooperation. Conflicts between siblings could occur with future family plans. In addition, your parents may live in another state, or your relationship has become challenged in other ways. These are potential issues that all families deal with to some degree.
Have you noticed any of the following with your parents?
Did you take a good look around your parents' home or during your last visit? Does it look the same? Things to watch out for include and an empty refrigerator, garbage piled up, or clothes all over.
Are you aware of your parent's medical conditions and medications? Do you know who is their primary care physician or other specialists?
Has long term planning and advanced directives (health care proxy, power of attorney) been discussed with or for your parents?
If you have siblings or other family members thought about your parents and their living arrangements if they were not able to care for themselves?
Can you detect any change in the way your parents communicate in terms of their memory? Do they search for or forget words? Do they forget important dates or meetings? Are their bills being paid on time?
Moving forward, this depends on each situation. You may want to de-escalate an immediate crisis or start to plan for the future. You can reach out to CTS for a comprehensive assessment of your individual situation. Most importantly, remain calm and know that you are not alone. These experiences are normal, and although challenging, often can bring families closer together emotionally. CTS is here to assist you and your family by providing support with these important decisions, please contact us at 212-658-0977 or schedule a free consultation.