Life is Change: 4 Ways to Adapt
/by Lilli Mayerson, Psychotherapist, LMSW
My father, of blessed memory, was a man of infinite kindness and wisdom. I was devastated when he told me many years ago that he and my mother were moving to Florida. (I was also very pregnant with my first child). I remember how he tried to soften the blow by saying that, “Life is change and those people who adjust best to change, adjust best to life.” Thirty years later, those words resonate more than ever.
A client recently told me that she was bothered that a neighbor was moving – even though she had hardly ever spoken with this neighbor. Another client shared that he was upset because the professor he was scheduled to have was replaced with a different professor - even though he had never met either professor.
And of course, there are the larger changes that can be challenging in the moment and usually take some time to adjust to: a new partner, a new job, a new school, a new home.
We are basically creatures of habit and we seek familiarity. Just ask the child who sucks their thumb or the person who orders the same dish at the same restaurant every time, and one can see the power of comfort in a habit, as well as the challenge to change.
So now, almost seven months into this unprecedented global pandemic, how are we to feel when just about everything in our lives has changed? When our habits and routines are no longer available to comfort us? When everything feels unfamiliar?
Add to that uncertainty, fear of the unknown, and social isolation and it can promote a perfect storm.
Here are some things we can do:
1. Stay connected and participate. Pushing ourselves to stay connected can provide a comforting distraction from the chaos around us. One client was tired of feeling alone and “looking at her four walls” and started a safe, socially distant neighborhood walking group. Another client created a virtual network to mentor people who are working to stay sober. One client reached out to a close relative she hadn’t spoken with in many years and is now enjoying a new relationship. It can be helpful to see past each other’s quirks and move forward. Connecting and outreach to others has never been so meaningful.
2. Spend some downtime reflecting. Go inward. Consider how you have been spending your time. What makes you happy? Consider the relationships in your life. Who has been supportive during this difficult time? Who do you want to be with - and why? What has been the hardest thing for you over the last six months? Is there something you recently learned about yourself? Perhaps you can identify a few short-term goals. Casual journaling and drawing can help reduce anxiety. Regardless of whether you are a “go with the flow” person or if you typically prefer to cling to old ways, most of us are wired to adapt to change. We are resilient.
3. Maintain perspective. Remember that you are not alone. You are a part of an unprecedented global event that no one was prepared for. The impact of how this pandemic will affect every single person on the planet has yet to be realized - and may not be realized in our lifetimes. Moreover, consider what may have happened if the pandemic had arrived in the 1950’s or 1960’s? How would we have survived without cell phones? TV? Amazon? Zoom? While it would have been much more difficult, even then we would have survived.
4. Practice positivity. Most of us are feeling overwhelmed by what is being asked of us. Dr. Fauci is predicting that “we must hunker down for a Fall and Winter season that won’t be easy.” The news seems more disturbing every day. Try to tap into your hopeful self and believe that we will hear good news once again in the not-so-distant future. Our mindset can help transform the way we experience the world. There will be a time of renewal. This too shall pass.
Many of us will benefit from seeking support during this exceptionally challenging time. And yet, the truth is that each of us has already gotten through 100% of the things that life has thrown our way. The Danish philosopher Soren Kierkegaard said, “Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.” Let’s choose to go forward with optimism. My father was right. Life IS change – and change is life!